What a Day.

Today I spent the majority of the morning with Lexi at her school. I hung out in her class for a while and then went to the awards assembly in the cafeteria. She got an Honor Roll Award, a Student of the Month Award and I even got to see her best-darn-essay-in-the-whole fifth-grade displayed proudly in the hallway.


We had fun. It was nice. I was so proud of my girl.




I left Lexi’s school and headed to a funeral across the street. My BFF’s Grandma died Monday night and her funeral was today. Kortney (my BFF) was very close to her Gram. They had a relationship that you might only have with one person during your whole life. Needless to say, Kortney is crushed. And because I love her so much I am crushed for her. I wouldn’t have missed the funeral for the world.

Even though the last time I was at that funeral home was the day I buried my son.

I thought I was prepared. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to walk through those doors, but I had NO idea just how hard it would be.

I walked in, took a breath and as I breathed in that smell the memories came rushing back and I felt like someone was standing on my chest. I walked right back out the door, pulled my phone out of my purse and called my mom. I often call her when I’m having a bad day and she somehow always makes things better.

Well, today she didn’t answer. (Guess she was working or something. Psh.) So, I had to convince myself I was going to be okay. After a few seconds I decided I could do it and turned around and walked back in the door.

I made it a little farther this time. I got my funeral program and signed the guestbook. But, as I entered the chapel area and saw the casket I couldn’t make myself take another step. That’s where his casket sat two summers ago. That’s where I stood and looked at my baby for the very last time. That was the worst day of my life. And it felt like I was facing it all over again.

So, guess what I did. I turned around and walked out. I wanted so badly to leave. I knew Kortney would understand. But, I also knew that I owed it to her to be there. So, once again I walked back inside. This time I found a seat next to a total stranger, who I would have let hug me, if she had tried. I sat there waiting for the service to start…begging my tears not to spill over. And somehow I made it.

That is, until I heard the all too familiar words…

I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, you work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, you work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son

And the tears came without asking.

As soon as the service ended, I made a bee line for the door. I ran to my car. Ran. I felt like Forrest Gump…like I could just keep on running for years for no reason at all, but instead a sat in my car and did the “ugly cry.” You know? The kind of cry where if anyone saw you, you would be embarrassed? Well, that was me for about 20 minutes.

Gosh, I just didn’t know it would be so rough. I was very caught off guard. Being in that place really brought up a lot of past emotions for me. This has been the hardest “Jack day” I’ve had since I can remember.

Anyway, I managed to pull it together so I could deliver Subway to my girls for lunch. The secretary at the front desk of Kelsey’s school tried to get me to leave her lunch in the office so she could pick it up on the way to the cafeteria, which would have made a lot more sense than interrupting her class, but I looked at her desperately and said, “I really need to see her.” She probably thought I was nuts, but she allowed me to take the lunch to Kelsey’s classroom. I peeked my head in to let the teacher know I was there and as soon as I saw Kels, I burst into tears. I told her I was having a hard day. That I really missed Jack and that I really loved her. And she totally got it.

I’ve got really cool kids. All three of them.

Anyway, I know time heals, but I also know that there will be a hole in my heart for the rest of my life. Until the day I see Jack again, there will always be things, and places and memories that take the wind out of my sails. And I guess that’s just part of the journey I’m on. I’ll always miss my boy, but I also have soooooo much to be thankful for.

Today was just a really, really hard day.

Friends In (Very) Low Places

Since I’m back in business I figured I would partake in one of my old, favorite bloggy things to do.

Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. Play along if you so choose.

This week’s prompts are:

1.) Describe something you're proud of.

2.) Tell me your most humorous wedding experience

3.) 10 reasons why you can't sleep at night

4.) Describe an experience that you wish you could shake from your memory.

5.) Write a love letter to the object of your affection

This week, number four tickled my fancy.

This isn’t a memory that I necessarily wish I could erase from my memory. It was actually one of the most fun nights of my life, what I can recall of it anyway. It’s not that I don’t love reminiscing about this night…the great music, the excessive drinking, the bed of some strange man’s truck, waking up and not knowing where you’ve left your vehicle. It’s just that when I do think back on this night I feel instantly ashamed of myself. I feel like I should hide my face in shame. Like I should try to make up some great excuse for why I felt like it was okay to cruise down that Dallas interstate in the back of a truck going Lord knows where with Lord knows who.

Anyway, here’s the deal.

I’m a HUGE Kenny Chesney fan (as most of you have probably gathered) and for several years in a row me and my faithful sidekick, Rachael, went to a Kenny concert twice each summer. This was something that I looked forward to ALLLLLL year long! We had fun. A LOT of fun. Sometimes more fun than others…

Many years ago, before I met my loving husband, Rach and I got tickets to see Kenny in Frisco, Texas. We stopped about 10 miles out of town for me to get a cold six pack of Bud Light, which I consumed before we made it to our hotel. In my defense, it took us over five hours to get there, but anyway.

I had arranged our hotel accommodations (Rach leaned toward the $39.99 a night type of places), so we had some really fancy digs. Including, a REALLY cute bell boy/valet guy. He asked us where we were from and what we were doing in town and then he gave us his number and told us if we were looking for something to do after the concert to give him a call. And thank God he did. Oh, thank God he did.

Needless to say, by the time we arrived at the concert I was wasted feeling a little tipsy. I should have quit drinking, but they had Blue Moon on tap, so I couldn’t. I mean how often does THAT happen???


Anyway, the concert was great, as usual and when it ended we were actually thinking about heading back to the hotel to call it a night. That was until we got to the car and Dierks Bentley’s cousin and his buddies were tailgating next us.

DBC: Hey, Ladies! What cha up to tonight??
Us: Oh, not much. Think we’re gonna head back to the hotel.
DBC: Why would you want to do that when you could hang out with us???

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I’m trying to scrounge up the last little bit of good sense that I have left.

Us: What’s your name?
DBC: I’m Tyler. I’m Dierk’s Bentley’s cousin. What’s your name, cutie?
Us: I’m a drunk idiot Beth and this is Rachael.
DBC: Well, Beth and Rachael, we’re taking you out.
Us: Oh, we’re not sure about that.
DBC: C’mon, why not??

(DBC = Dierks Bentley’s Cousin)

Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because we don’t even KNOW you!! Maybe because you could rape us and leave us for dead!!! Maybe because I’m already having trouble walking a straight line and another drink would surely put me over the edge.

Us: Ok, why not.
DBC: Sweet! Climb in! (As he motions toward the bed of his truck.)

Rachael and I exchange the “what the hell are we thinking, but he is REALLY cute and you only live once look” and like the freaking morons fun-loving gals that we were, we climbed in.

And there we were…cruising down the Texas interstate. Destination unknown. In the bed of some stranger’s truck. (In hindsight, why the HECK didn’t these jerks offer to let us sit INSIDE the truck???)

So, we end up at a bar. I was having a great time. But, somewhere along the way one of DBC’s buddies got the wrong idea about Rach. He started trying to hug her and kiss her, all the while whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I, however, was having a great time making out dancing with DBC when Rachael comes tearing through the crowded dance floor. She grabs my arm and starts pulling me toward the door.

Rach: WE are leaving!!!
Me: But…
Rach: WE are LEAVING!!! That asshole won’t leave me alone!!!
Me: Who? Him? He’s cute.
Rach: We are leaving!!! He’s an asshole.

I had to give up on my new found dreams of marrying into the Bentley family and bid farewell to my new boyfriend. And there we went. Out the door. Into the humid, Texas night.

Rach: Shit! We don’t have a car.
Me: Let’s go back inside.
Rach: No WAY!!!
Me: Well, then. What are we going to do??? Call a taxi?
Rach: No, let’s call Oscar. (Oscar = bell hop/valet dude)

Oh, yes. Great idea!!! Why in the world wouldn’t we call another strange man to come pick us up and rescue us of from the strange men we are currently running from???

Me: Ok, good idea.
Rach: You call him. I’m too embarrassed.

Leave it to me. I quite obviously have no shame.

Oscar: Hello?
Me: Hey, it’s Beth.
Oscar: Who?

Oh, crap. He doesn’t even remember us.

Oscar: Oh, yeah! Beth…and Rachael. What are ya’ll up to??
Me: Oh, not much. Hey, wanna meet us for a drink?
Rach: What??? What are you doing?? I want to go to bed!!!
Oscar: Sure, where are you?
Me: I don’t know.
Oscar: What do you mean you don’t know??

It’s amazing how hard it is to see where you’re going when you’re laying in the bed of a truck.

Me: Well, the name of the place is… (I honestly don’t remember.)
Oscar: I know where that is. I’ll be there in an hour or so.

Hour?? HOUR????!!! Heaven help us.

Long story short, Oscar took us back to the hotel like the true Mexican Southern gentleman he was. Bless his heart.

The next morning we woke up, showered, packed up and got ready to head back to Arkansas.

Rach: Shit! We don’t have a car.

Where have I heard that before??

Rach: Call Oscar.

Don’t you know, that sweetheart got out of bed, came and got us, took us to lunch and then to get our car?? He was the sweetest thing. I mean, what kind of guy does that?? Once. Let alone, twice.

So, there you have it. I’m still alive. I’m ashamed as hell, but I’m alive.

P.S. I never knew for sure if DBC was REALLY Dierk's Bentley's Cousin, but that's what I'm choosing to believe because it makes my story cooler.

You're Still Around??

Seriously, I really can’t believe there are people that still read my blog. I mean, I’ve hardly been the Queen of Good Reading Material lately.

Like I said, I’ve been busy. My new position it work is a LOT more demanding than my old one. And truth be told, that’s where I used to do the majority of my blogging.

Long story short, I got busy. I got out of the habit. But, I missed it. So, I’m back bitches friends! I’m re-prioritizing my life…God, family, blogging, my job, eating, sleeping and so on and so forth. I am jumping back on the bloggy bandwagon.

You’re tired of my empty promises, aren’t you?

Anwyay, moving on.

It would take from now ‘til Christmas to catch you up on all that has been going on in my life lately, so I won’t even try. Basically, I’m as blessed as I always was. My kids are still funny. My husband is still driving me to drink sweet as he can be. Life is good.

How bout some cute pictures of my girls?








That was Halloween. Just incase you are an idiot and couldn't figure that out were wondering.

Kelsey was supposed to be Hannah Montana, but she decided about 6 minutes before we left to trick-or-treat that she hated the wig. Who says blondes have more fun, right?? :) Sooooo, we got out the crimp iron and called her an "80's Rock Star" instead. It quite fits her personality, don't you think?

Lexi wanted to be a "Snow Princess...you know, like the kind of dresses at the end of Narnia." I guess we achieved her vision because she was super happy with her costume, up-do and make-up. I was thinking to myself as I was getting her ready for trick-or-treating, "Dear Lord, what is Prom going to be like???"

The Truth Shall Set You Free

Here’s the deal. I’m not trying to offend anybody, but I don’t agree with letting your ten year-old daughter have a Facebook account. I mean, what’s the point?? I get that it’s cool and all and maybe I’m old school, but you’re ten!! Go read a book or play outside or make something crafty or watch some TV. These kids have the rest of their lives to have a Facebook account. Plus, I am borderline nuerotic moderately concerned about pedophiles. Everytime a man that I don’t know looks/smiles at my children I think he is Lester the Molester. And there are pedophiles on Facebook. Trust me.

Anyway, long story short, Lexi’s pissed. She wants Facebook. We said no. She doesn’t get it. We really don’t care.

So, this past weekend Lexi goes to a sleep-over with some girlfriends. She had a great time. Well, except for the fact that all her little buddies have their own Facebook and she’s the only one whose parents give a damn who doesn’t have one.

Fast forward to last night…we were laying in Lexi’s bed doing her nightly devotional, which you can find here, by the way. Great devotional for young girls. I highly recommend it. Anyway, that’s beside the point.

So, we went through the devotional, which happened to be about trustworthiness. (Coincidence? I think not.) Then, we turned out the lights and said our prayers. I told her goodnight and started to walk out the door.

Lexi: Momma! Come back!!!
Me: What is it, babe???

She wraps her arms around my neck and cries into my shoulder.

Lexi: I want to be trustworthy!!!
Me: Okay?
Lexi: I have to tell you something…I made a Facebook page when I was at G’s house.

This is the part where I stop, take a deep breath and try to think of the smart, rational thing to say.

Me: Lex, first of all, I want you to know that I appreciate your honesty. I really do.
Lexi: You do?
Me: Yes, I do. But, I’m still really disappointed in the choice you made.
Lexi: I’m sorry, Momma!!! Please don’t hate me.
Me: I would never hate you, but there are going to be consequences.
Lexi: Like, what?
Me: Like, it will be a LONG while before you go to another sleepover.
Lexi: Moooooommmm, why???
Me: You know why. It’s going to take a while to build my trust in you back up.
Lexi: Ok…I love you, Momma. Thank you for not being mad at me.

I didn’t say I wasn’t mad at you, you sneaky little shit.

Me: I love you too, Lex. Being mad wouldn’t help the situation any.

It’s quiet again. I lay there and play with her hair…looking at what used to be my tiny, little blue-eyed girl who could do no wrong. Wondering what the hell has happened to my sweet Lexi in the last six months. I was on the verge of tears when suddenly, my deep thought was interrupted.

“So, mom…when CAN I get a Facebook?”

Lord help me.

I've Got Sunshine...

On a cloudy day.


When it's cold outside...


I've got the month of May.


I guess, you'd say...


What can make me feel this way?


My girls. :)

I'm on a Roll Tonight

Since I am in the blogging spirit this evening I figured, "What tha heck??" Why not take part in Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop.

You know the drill. Chose a prompt. Blog about it.

1.) If You Give A Mom A Moment...

2.) What's the message you would craft?

3.) Your Fall favorites.

4.) If your pet could talk, what would you want to know?

5.)If you could only focus on three things in life and pursue them fully, leaving everything else, what would they be and why?

I chose number one.

If you give mom a moment...

She might take a bath and shave her legs at night instead of flat ironing her 10 year-old's naturally wavy hair every other night. Since she just HAD to have a stacked bob like her little friend with straight hair, whose mom, I'm SURE never has to spend 45 minutes flat ironing her daughter's hair when she could be shaving her legs.

She might read the book on her nightstand that she has finished two chapters of since last month instead of being so tired when her head hits the pillow that she can't keep her eyes open.

She might catch up on all the shows she has on DVR...starting with Tori and Dean.

She might paint her own darn toenails instead of paying someone to do them for her.

She might have a girl's night out with her friends filled with mexican food, cold beer and lots of laughing.

She might make a normal dinner that doesn't consist of bagels and cereal.

She might go grocery shopping without two little rugrats throwing stuff they'll never eat in the cart everytime she turns around.

And if she's feeling REALLY lucky, she might even poop all alone. With the door closed. But, I doubt it.

It's a Miracle

I've only lost one follower.

I'm not dead. Thanks to several of you for checking.

I was sicker than a dog for a week. We were up to our eyeballs in Lexi's cow showing gig. And last but not least, I got a promotion at work that has taken up a LOT of my time!!! No more blogging at work. WAY too busy for that.

But, no worries. I've kept reading my favorite blogs. I just haven't had the time or energy to update my own.

I promise lots of pictures and more frequent updates. Right now I have to go help with 5th grade math homework. Joy.